Fox News Guy is SO Over Palestine

Jesse Watters announces he'd strike Palestine NOW

“I don’t know why they’re taking so long with this ground offensive!” Fox News host Jesse Watters exclaims, mid-rambling tirade. “I would’ve struck, obviously I have no military experience, but…”

That’s right, Jesse Watters has announced that he’s DONE with Palestine. “I’ve had it with the Palestinians,” he says. And if that means that before this he was with the Palestinians, we’re scared what being over them will look like.

“And I don’t like how people try to differentiate between Palestinians and Hamas,” he goes on, becoming more pleased with his own voice with each increasingly-smug word. “They believe the same thing! The Palestinians hired Hamas to run their government! They all love killing Jews!”

And what really exacerbates Watters, what really grinds his gears, is those squeamish politicians who don’t support the massacre. “Some of these skittish politicians say, ‘Uh you know what? Let’s have a ceasefire…”

But looking around corporate news, we’re not sure which politicians he’s talking about. A huge chyron splayed across the bottom of Fox’s screen pronounces: “COMMON GROUND: BIPARTISAN DELEGATION RETURNS FROM ISRAEL MEETINGS,” while Senators Chris Coons (D-DE) and John Thune (R-SD) bust out the same genocidal talking points espoused by Lindsey Graham and Joe Biden alike.

But don’t worry, if you thought all US politicians are warmongering psychopaths, you’ll be pleased to hear that America’s top diplomat Antony Blinken, has a different message: “Humanitarian pauses must be considered.” Woah, peacenik, you might get fired for saying that. But the cat’s out of the bag. Blinken wants to continue the massacres, but thinks we should consider pausing them to allow some aid for those who don’t die in the bombings. He’s crossed the picket line.

The war is escalating, but Katie and Aaron are here as always to throw down on the sickest clips in mainstream media. It’s our Thursday bonus episode. Let us know in the comments what corporate media monologues, interviews, or anything else you want to see on the next Thursday Throwdown.

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