Ted Cruz on Liberal Women’s Sex Lives

The nation's leading sex-positive senator is freaking out, all while liberals celebrate the end of democracy

Listen up Liberal Ladies: if you’ve been feeling frustrated, look no further than Texas Senator Ted Cruz for guidance. He understands your plight…he wouldn’t want to “sleep with those liberal weenies” either. It’s a rant we didn’t expect, and didn’t really want to picture either, but compared to the rest of this throwdown, it counts as comic relief.

Because meanwhile…

The liberals he spoke of are currently celebrating the news that Donald Trump has been removed from ballots in the state of Colorado. While that may at first seem like a blatant blow to democracy, hear Rachel Maddow out first, who declares that this is actually quite normal for democracy.

Kellyanne Conway is also going wild while debuting her impression of Democrats, claiming that after waking up each morning and checking that their phones still say the date is January 6, 2021, they get in their electric cars and go get an abortion.”

President Biden is apparently busy getting stoned, because when a reporter asks if the US is expecting a hostage deal soon, he immediately replies “Yes!” But when he hears the reporter’s surprised reaction, Biden has to remember where he is: “Wait! Where?” he asks, before saying no, there is nothing expected.

And of course there’s RFK Jr, once a point of hope for antiwar Americans, now a further-right-wing bigot than Biden himself. Just wait until you hear him spew a tirade of AIPAC talking points.

And that’s not all, there’s so much more madness to get to. But don’t worry, with Katie and Aaron at your side, you’ll hopefully laugh instead of cry at the propagandistic nonsense pumped out by corporate media. It’s our Thursday bonus episode. Let us know in the comments what corporate media monologues, interviews, or anything else you want to see on the next Thursday Throwdown.

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